kalleah | Voyages of Discovery (Chapter Three)

How funny is it that I'm dying to give spoilers for my own story? No worries, I won't, and I hope you're patient enough to stay with me for the unfolding of this story.

Rose, for all her grief, is not alone in the alternate universe and has a support system that she'd do well to take advantage of. In this chapter, she deals with the aftermath of her dinner with Paul and finds comfort in a familiar face.

Previous Chapters

"No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world."
Aristotle

The following day, Rose worked until her eyes were too tired to focus on the pages of reports in front of her, and took Pete's car service back to the mansion well after dark. She came in through the side entrance, stepping quietly, and made her way through the corridors without encountering another person. She did not want to face anyone else. Anna had dropped by her desk at midday and asked about Paul. Rose's face had betrayed her and the other woman had gently put a hand on Rose's shoulder in solidarity, then slipped away. Shireen -- Rose felt a pang of loss at the thought of her friend -- would have wanted to run down every moment of the evening in excruciating detail and Rose did not feel she could bear more analysis than she had done on her own in the darkness of the night.

She closed the door to her little room and put her briefcase down in the floor next to the chair, next to a leaning tower of loaned books from Tim. She looked with some longing at them. She lit a fire in the fireplace (no fireplace gnomes here) and felt some calm settle over her. Taking a few moments to straighten her surroundings, she fished change out of the pockets of the jeans she had worn the night before and found Paul's business card, with his phone number handwritten on the back. She stared at it in consternation and with sadness, knowing that he hadn't deserved the reaction she had given him the night before. Different circumstances, he had said. She laughed mirthlessly and flicked the card into the fire, watching the edges glow, then char and curl as it dissolved into black carbon. As she did, a shadow fell across the edge of the hearth. When Rose turned in surprise, her room stood empty and bathed in soft firelight, as before.

She finished tidying up, adding her laundry to a long bag hanging on the back of the door, which Pete's staff would spirit away in the morning. She oddly missed doing her own laundry. When she had lived with her mother in the council flat, they had often swapped stories of what they would do with an unexpected windfall, and hired help had always been high on Jackie's list. Someone to do the laundry and the washing-up and sweep the floors. Rose had always wanted to travel, to see mysterious, far-off places. Now, both of them had the means to do whatever they liked, thanks to Pete. While she couldn't travel the whole of time and space, she could go to the places that she'd dreamed about as a child -- Macchu Picchu, the Pyramids, the Great Wall of China, wherever she liked. She made a mental note to check in with Pete's travel service and see what her options were.

In the bathroom, she washed her face and pulled her hair back into a knot. She had let it grow again at her mum's prodding. Outside, there was a knock, and Rose, with a groan, went to open the door.

Her mum, hugely pregnant, stood in the doorway. Her face was drawn and pinched, and Rose felt a moment of excitement. "Is it time?" she asked. Jackie was due any day now.

"I wish," said Jackie, rubbing her enormous stomach and sighing dramatically. "My back hurts and I've got to pee all the time. Don't ever get knocked up, Rose, it's the pits." She made a face. "I don't mean that."

Rose stepped back and let her enter. "Sit down," she urged. Jackie took the lone chair and put her feet up with another sigh on the hearth.

"Fire feels good," she said. "Can't seem to get warm today. Usually I'm so hot."

Rose gave her a supportive smile and resumed her tidying up, feeling her mum's eyes following her around the little room. She didn't ask what had brought her here. Her mother had never been shy about sharing her feelings. The fact that it was taking her this long was either a sign of her extreme discomfort or that there was something serious on her mind. Rose, feeling a little mean, hoped it was the pressure on her bladder that was making Jackie silent.

"You never talk to me any more," Jackie began.

Rose resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "What do you want to talk about?" She neatly squared off a pile of books that had been on the verge of toppling.

"Anything. You're so quiet, and you work or read all the time." Jackie drew in a breath. "We used to talk, you and me, even when you were --" She paused.

"Traveling with the Doctor," Rose finished for her.

"Right. You told me all about your trips, and what happened, and all that. Now, you just shut yourself down."

Not quite all about the trips, thought Rose with a guilty half-smile. "Sorry, Mum, I've just been busy, what with work, and Tim." She turned a bright smile toward Jackie. "What do you want me to talk about? I can't get into anything about work, you know that. I can tell you about what Tim and I have been doing in philosophy," she offered. "Or we can talk about the baby."

Jackie gave her a measuring look. "What's in your head, Rose?" she asked quietly.

Rose hesitated. "A lot, Mum. I'm all right, I really am." What could she say to reassure her mother? She remembered Jackie's delight and relief when Rose had found a friend at work. "I went and had drinks with Anna last night, didn't I tell you?"

"That's great, sweetheart." Jackie didn't look convinced.

Rose gave a long sigh and sat down on the bed with a thump. She gave her mother an affectionate, exasperated look. "You just want me to bring it all up again, don't you, Mum? What do you want me to say? That I'm heartbroken and I'll never see him again and --" She waved a hand wildly at the room. "I read and work so I can escape a little, yeah? Maybe I don't want to talk about it."

Jackie looked thunderstruck and not a little angry. "Rose, you need to talk about it. Do you think I don't know what it's like to lose someone you love? When your dad died, I was alone with a baby and made my own way. We turned out all right, yeah? But I had to get things off my chest from time to time. Rose," she entreated, her voice husky with emotion, "If you won't talk to me, just talk to somebody? I worry about you, you know."

Rose stared into the dancing flames, silent. After a moment, Jackie continued. "At least you know he's alive and safe," she said in a softer tone.

At that, Rose's eyes clouded and she blinked back tears. I cry too much. "Mum," she started, then stopped. "I just want to tell him things, and I can't."

"I know, sweetheart." Jackie stood, awkwardly, and crossed over to the bed, sinking down next to Rose and sliding her arm around her. "I know." They sat like that for several minutes, Rose fighting not to break, and Jackie hugging her tight. Rose leaned her head onto Jackie's shoulder and hiccupped once, softly.

"Mum," said Rose after she had regained control. "Have you seen anything weird? Out of the ordinary?"

Jackie frowned slightly. "Like what?"

"Shadows and things moving when they really aren't."

"Like the ghosts?" asked Jackie, alarmed. She covered her belly with both hands, a ward against evil.

"No, not like that -- just like, echoes or something." Rose wished she hadn't asked.

Jackie shook her heard. "No, nothing like that. Rose, what's the matter?" Her voice was sharp with concern. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I just think I'm tired, is all. Worn down."

Jackie stroked her hair tenderly. "You need to get some real sleep, not just nodding off over a book. You're running yourself half to death, between work and studying. You need to take a little time for you once in a while."

"I will," said Rose, without much conviction, but needing to reassure her mother.

Jackie's hand kept moving, up and down, the tender touch of a mother. "I love you, Rose," said her mother. "No matter what. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: 10,000 Maniacs, "How You've Grown"