Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

[kalleah]

Ahhh, Torchwood.  I'm so happy to have it back.  I needed some good, wholesome crack in my life.  It's even better than Heroes.  I have no appropriate icon, so I'll use David Anders because he's pretty and he can't die, either.

Before I get snarky, let me say that I only snark because I love.  If I didn't enjoy the show, I wouldn't bother watching it. 

Although we'll never see it, I think it would be terribly amusing to see the Doctor meet the Torchwood crew.  "This is what you made in my image?"  Someone needs to write that.  Not me.

1. I did the "Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope" routine about twenty seconds before Hart did.  Snort.  Nice.

2.   Poisoned lip balm?  Uh, okay.  I had to pause the show while I laughed my ass off and did my best Auric Goldfinger impression.  Is it necessary for every villain to leave their victims incapacitated and facing a slow death?  (This is part of the reason I loved the Master's disappearance in the TARDIS at the end of Utopia so much.)

3.  We saw Rhys, and not his bare ass.  Thank God for that.

4.  If Jack said no to the Doctor's invitation, he sure as shit wasn't going to say yes to Hart.  Uh-hunh.

5.  As for Jack's rather spectacular death: I think I tried to do a backbend like that in yoga class once and couldn't stand up straight for a week.

6.  Why didn't someone just cut Hart's hand off?  I heard someone suggest it although I didn't catch who.  I suppose it avoids the overly complicated resolution.  Did Owen and Jack really have time to mix up a martini a blood concoction and then arrive just in the nick of time to save Gwen?

7.  They chased the blowfish who was kind enough to let the old lady cross the street down and then they just let Hart go?  Don't they have a whole dungeon to play with?  (Yes, Ianto, I'm looking at you.)

Comments

[lethlogica.livejournal.com]

7. I haven't seen the season premiere yet (we don't get it for another week), but didn't Ianto (or was it Gwen?) say something about all dungeon levels being filled, in the S1 finale? (Or maybe they just flipped a coin and decided who to let go this week.)

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

but didn't Ianto (or was it Gwen?) say something about all dungeon levels being filled, in the S1 finale?

Maybe. I'll take a peek at a transcript if I can find it.

[karenor.livejournal.com]

"This is what you made in my image?"

That needs to happen on DW. It NEEDS to. They can do that, can't they? I understand the Doctor can never be on TW, but can they borrow a set for a minute? Or Owen? I want a Doctor/Owen snarkoff!

If Jack said no to the Doctor's invitation, he sure as shit wasn't going to say yes to Hart. Uh-hunh.

I was waiting for something like "I've said no to better offers"

I heard someone suggest it although I didn't catch who.

I forget too. Maybe Tosh? Or she's the one who said it would set off the bomb? Seems a bit silly.

then they just let Hart go?

What would they do with him if they kept him?

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

That needs to happen on DW. It NEEDS to. They can do that, can't they? I understand the Doctor can never be on TW, but can they borrow a set for a minute? Or Owen? I want a Doctor/Owen snarkoff!

The Doctor vs. Owen would be epic. Hee.

I was waiting for something like "I've said no to better offers"

Missed line of the evening. Sigh.

What would they do with him if they kept him?

...

...

...

Somebody, please take that perfect setup and run with it. ;)

[sensiblecat.livejournal.com]

I did write a bit of the Doctor trying to lead Team Torchwood. It was fun. Probably a lot more fun for me than for him.


He started by gathering the team together for a briefing. It had never occurred to him that they wouldn’t appreciate a clear chain of command.

“I’m the Doctor,” he began.

“Yeah, we know,” said Owen, “that guy Jack’s been having wet dreams about for the last three years.”

“Fortunately for you,” he replied, with his most Gallifreyan frown. “I’m going to treat that remark with the contempt that it deserves. Now, I’m a Time Lord……”

“The kind that enslaves the human race?” Owen came back to him, completely undaunted, and frankly he wasn’t used to that. What exactly was the bloke’s problem – a mild case of Tourette’s Syndrome, or an ego the size of the Master’s?

“I’m not asking you to like me,” he told him. “I am asking you to be polite to me, and work with me. My priorities, in order are these. To make this universe safe again. To find out what happened to Jack and get him home. And to keep this team together until that happens. Any problem with that?”

“Look, mate,” said Owen. “I don’t care who you bloody well are - nobody cleared this with any of us and I’m the second-in-command to Jack. And if you don’t like that, Doctor, you can fuck off.”

Nobody argued with him. He’d forgotten how scary a bunch of grim-faced humans in suits and leather jackets could be.

“Right,” began the Doctor. “When you know how to seal deep temporal breaches and prevent another Canary Wharf – or worse – then you can do my job.”

“He doesn’t want to do your job, Sir,” said Ianto, making the title sound like an insult. “He wants to do his own. As do all of us.”

“Fine!” replied the Doctor, controlling himself with an effort. “So, Owen Harper, is that throwing your weight around doing Jack’s job or getting on with your own? Because I was under the impression you were a medic.”

“That’s none of your fucking business,” Owen snapped.

“Yes it is, because you have to work with me.” He managed to stop himself, in the nick of time, from claiming to be the boss. They had a point – that had never been part of the arrangement with Jack. “If you’re running this outfit, who’s doing the medical stuff?”

Tosh spoke for the first time. “Owen’s assistant starts today, doesn’t she?”

“And who’s she? Some student fresh out of med school who wants to change the world by lunchtime?” the Doctor demanded.

“Her name’s Martha Jones, Sir,” said Ianto.

Oh great. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

“Look, mate,” said Owen. “I don’t care who you bloody well are - nobody cleared this with any of us and I’m the second-in-command to Jack. And if you don’t like that, Doctor, you can fuck off.”

SNORT. You're brilliant.

[whosrose.livejournal.com]

Excellent! Loved this bit!

[ivydoor.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the story was total crack. you'll notice I really didn't touch on it too much in my review. LOL I tend to focus more on the characters anyway.

BTW- Owen saying "Touch her again and I'll kill you." *dies* Sorry! I'm in full Owen!fangirl mode right now. Hee!

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

BTW- Owen saying "Touch her again and I'll kill you."

Tosh may have a totally unjustified crush on Owen, but at least he cares about her and protects her to some degree.

[platypus]

Hmm. Wasn't quite the joyously cracky new world I'd hoped for, but I did enjoy it. I'm a little baffled at the name similarity between Jack and "Captain John Hart," given that Jack only nicked his name as a cover shortly before he met the Doctor and Rose. There's nothing Time Agent-ish about it. And, Gwen, c'mon, you were just reminded not to turn your back on him.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

I'm a little baffled at the name similarity between Jack and "Captain John Hart," given that Jack only nicked his name as a cover shortly before he met the Doctor and Rose.

My impression was that "John" improvised once he heard Jack's name, but that could be wrong.

And, Gwen, c'mon, you were just reminded not to turn your back on him.

True. Duh.

[bluevolvic.livejournal.com]

I loved 'Torchwood'last night,it was much better than last series I thought.

***If Jack said no to the Doctor's invitation, he sure as shit wasn't going to say yes to Hart. Uh-hunh.***

totally agree with that,Then again Jack's getting all the offers now :P. i wouldn't say no to all three to Travel around with :D

I was laughting when Jack and John were fighting over who was the wife :D

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

I was laughting when Jack and John were fighting over who was the wife :D

Yep, that was amusing.

[nonelvis]

I assumed the poison lip gloss was just a blatant shout-out to Firefly. Maybe that's why Chibnall's script didn't suck for once: he stole shamelessly from Joss (both Firefly and Buffy, because you can't tell me Marsters wasn't channeling Spike), and of course there was the Star Wars gag.

Is it wrong that I spent the entire scene with the shipping containers wondering if they were going to open one up and find Peter Petrelli?

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

I assumed the poison lip gloss was just a blatant shout-out to Firefly.

::slaps forehead::

OF COURSE. Duh. How could I have forgotten about that?

Is it wrong that I spent the entire scene with the shipping containers wondering if they were going to open one up and find Peter Petrelli?

Ouch. I just hurt myself laughing.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

7. I know they're going for a Doctor vs. Master thing with Jack and John, and for the most part it's working, but couldn't he have just escaped on his own without them letting him go? Surely it couldn't have been that hard for him to do, just make a dash for the rift.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

Surely it couldn't have been that hard for him to do, just make a dash for the rift.

True, but then he wouldn't know where/when he'd end up, and there was the teeny matter of the bomb. Wonder what poor bunch of slobs got a bomb rudely tossed at them?

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

Why didn't someone just cut Hart's hand off?

Yeah, I know, that was the first thing *I* thought of ("Owen! Get me a bone saw. Ianto! Lay down a tarp!"), and I'm nowhere near the pragmatic hardass Jack can be.

[kalleah.livejournal.com]

"Owen! Get me a bone saw. Ianto! Lay down a tarp!"

Exactly! Now, it's been pointed out since then that someone said that it would trigger the bomb, so maybe at least that went through everyone's mind. I can forgive deciding not to do it, just not the omission of a perfectly workable idea.

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

Really? Whacking off his hand would trigger the bomb? I don't remember that. Why, I wonder? Well, I'm gonna be re-watching tonight on BBC America, so I'll see if I catch that line on the second time 'round.