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For [livejournal.com profile] papilio_luna  for the commentary meme. Feel free to go there and suggest something else!  Original story here.

You go to my master list and pick a one-shot, or a single chapter of one of my multichapters, and comment to this post with your selection. I have links to commentaries I've done previously along with the story link on the master list, so no fair picking something I've already commentated upon (unless it's a different chapter of a multi-chapter story) . I then (as a separate post) do a commentary about that fic, which may or may not include canon meta, wondering what on Earth I was thinking, tmi, and general arsing around.

...

Rose had another revelation shortly after she and the Doctor returned inside, where Jackie and Pete were washing up and Tony was still playing with his train. The Doctor crouched down next to the little boy and said something that she didn't hear. Nice rear bumper, indeed. She could see the line of his pants underneath his shorts where they were snug around his bum, and she ogled him for a moment with gratuitous thoughts of taking them off before she realized that she didn't have any birth control. Any reasonable woman in Rose’s situation would be looking at his backside. I mean, REALLY.

Internally, she groaned. Romance should be spontaneous, unrehearsed, unplanned, gloriously intimate and definitely not slowed down by a lack of condoms and self-consciousness about being in a house that seemed entirely too small despite its actual size. Rose is dealing with several things here. One, she’s going to be having sex with the Doctor for the first time in her mum and Pete’s house with her little brother downstairs. It has to be a little bit weird. Two, when would she have picked up condoms? It’s not like she would keep some in her room at the Tyler mansion. She was mentally reviewing the checklist of possible options when her mum interrupted.

"Rose?" Jackie made a head jerk toward the hallway, and Rose followed her. With her voice pitched low, Jackie asked "Do you have protection?" I see Jackie and Rose having a mother-daughter relationship that’s much more like equals than most. Can you imagine the birds and the bees talk in their flat?

"What?"

"Condoms," she said, emphasizing the two syllables as if Rose were particularly slow. I can totally hear Camille Coduri delivering this lines.

"Mum," Rose started, but Jackie cut her off.

"You were just staring at his bum. Don't tell me you're not thinking about it." Jackie is not dumb.

"Yeah, I just hadn't planned --"

"That's what I'm saying! You have to plan, Rose. I know what it's like to get caught up in the moment." Jackie stole a glance back toward the kitchen. At one point in this draft, I had some comments about Tony being a result of alt!Pete and Jackie getting caught up in the moment in exactly this same situation, but I left it implied here. "I bought some for you today. They're in the top drawer of your nightstand."

"Thanks," Rose said, ducking her head and feeling powerfully grateful. It wasn't the first time that Jackie had given Rose condoms, but once upon a time, she thought that she'd moved past that stage of her life. I briefly thought about having Jackie give her condoms from her own stash, but surely she and Pete would have moved on to more permanent forms of birth control by then. Also, ick. Well, what the Doctor didn't know wouldn't hurt him. That’s a mood killer. Not sure if it’ll ever come up in this series, but it would be funny as hell.

It didn't seem appropriate after that conversation to charge into the kitchen and drag the Doctor upstairs, so Rose returned to the kitchen and poured herself another small glass of the wine left over from dinner. The Doctor had switched from wine to Berry Blend Vitex and was leaning against the kitchen island, picking the label off the bottle and talking to Pete. I did a ridiculous amount of research on potential names for various Vitex varieties and finally used Snapple as my baseline.

"You say 'artificial sweetener' like it's a bad thing," the Doctor said. "It's a matter of refining your techniques." In my mind, the earlier part of this conversation deals with left-handed sugars, which would be all-natural and non-digestible. They’re real, but proven not to be cost-effective to manufacture. I have this idea of the Doctor working for Pete as an idea man, and I see this as one of his first contributions.

"Consumers want all-natural," Pete replied. "It's all the rage – organic, fresh, no preservatives."

The Doctor waved his empty hand dismissively. "All-natural isn't all it's cracked up to be. Think about olives. What if, instead of all these nice olive bars, you have fresh olives for sale. Do you have olive bars here? 'All-natural,' you can say. Well, they're absolutely terrible. What makes them particularly tasty? Curing them in lye. Try marketing that!" I watched a How It’s Made episode on olives and contemplated how absolutely starving and desperate someone must have been to have developed that process in the first place.

"But that's traditional, so it's acceptable to the mass market. Introduce something new now and suddenly everyone's thinking about cancer and birth defects and God knows what else." Can you imagine? The Doctor could bring in the left-handed sugar wonder production method and it’d be held up for years in product testing.

Rose hadn't heard Pete talk this much about the Vitex business in months. The fact that he was relaxed enough to let his Torchwood interests fall to the wayside pleased her enormously, and she loved to see the Doctor engaged this way. I see Pete as still involved with Vitex, and having gotten sucked into Torchwood because he had the opportunity to bring down Lumic and was the only one who could really provide the information he did. I don’t see that he’d love it, and from Rose’s descriptions of him and what we saw in Father’s Day, he’s an idea man, too.

"How much have you investigated alternative natural sweeteners?" the Doctor asked. His eyes slid over to hers and her breath caught. I still find this incredibly sexy. He might be involved in the conversation, but he was still very aware of her presence. She lost track of Pete's response as she watched the Doctor's lips on his Berry Blend bottle.
Soft drink smut.
"Tony, love, don't put that in your mouth," Jackie said, snatching something away from her son. "Time for bed, yeah?"

Tony whinged, predictably, but Pete bribed him with an offer of a story before bed and a major tantrum was avoided. Originally, I had a section here where Tony insisted on a story from Rose and the Doctor went with her, but as correctly pointed out by my wise betas, it took away from the momentum of the storyline and didn’t seem to fit. I do like the little vignette, though, so I may use it elsewhere one day.

"I think it'll be an early night for me," Jackie said, with a quick glance at Rose. "You too, Pete -- you look exhausted." Jackie’s matchmaking. A little weird, maybe, but she has to be relieved to have Rose still with her, when neither one of them really expected it, and she’s pretty much adopted the Doctor anyway.

Pete opened his mouth and then shut it. "Good idea, Jacks. That's exactly what I need."

...

Rose didn't look at the Doctor as he followed her up the stairs to the second floor, where the guest room waited for them. She didn't allow herself to slow down until both of them were inside and she could close the door behind them. Thinking of Tony bursting into the room as he had done this morning, she locked the door and turned to face him.

He swallowed, and she watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat. He was looking at her with the same expression he had worn before he'd kissed her earlier: open, and longing, and just slightly tense. She waited, breath catching, while his eyes explored her face. One of the best things about Tennant as an actor is how much he can communicate with just his eyes. I hope I conveyed some of what the Doctor would have looked like here.

When he leaned forward and kissed her, she was ready for him. Under her hands, she could feel the muscles of his back and the steady pulse of his single heart, as fast as hers. She let her fingers trace the lines of his shoulder blades. In return, she felt his hands cup around her waist, drawing her nearer to him and upward. They are very tactile people – even in a platonic way, they’re always touching one another. I think touch would be a very important part of lovemaking for them.

"You locked the door," he observed between kisses.

"No interruptions."

"Brilliant."

When she had allowed herself to imagine what it would be like to undress the Doctor, it had always been like unwrapping a present, with his tie and jacket and trainers and at least two layers of shirts. Came back to that idea later in Needful Things, because that was absolutely necessary. In reality, he was clad only in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts with an elastic waist. Still all stuff from Jackie’s Bergen shopping expedition. She tentatively allowed her hands to slide down his back to where his shirt hung loose at his waist and then back up, underneath, against bare skin. More touch, not necessarily sexual, but exploring. He shivered and stopped kissing her, letting her explore his back and shoulders, then around to the front where she felt the prickle of hair above his waistline. She traced up and down the alluring line of his abdomen that he had exposed to her earlier from underneath the towel. When she tugged his t-shirt up, he obligingly raised his arms and let her pull it the rest of the way off. Underneath, he was pale and freckled with enough hair and definition to make him very masculine. Thank you, occasional shirtless David Tennant. His nipples stood out from his chest and she gave in to the impulse to run her finger around one before he crushed her back into a kiss. It was all tongue and lips, hot and breathy, full of low noises from two throats. I’m not a fan of a lot of screaming and talking during sex, but sound is still sensual.

He mirrored her earlier action and ran his hands inside her shirt before pulling it over her head, and it felt so good to be in his embrace with skin against skin. His mouth caressed her neck and several fingers tucked inside the waistband of her jeans in the back, leaving his thumbs rubbing circles in the small of her back. She shifted around to put her lips against the prickly hair of his sideburns. His hands continued to press inside her jeans, pulling them taut against her waist and causing her to suck in her breath. She could feel his fingers digging into her skin. I am just about perfectly happy with that paragraph.

"Take them off," she suggested.

He came up for air abruptly, mouth wide open and eyes shining, and then his hands withdrew enough to allow him to circle them around to the front, fingers still underneath the waist. One thumb stroked the skin below her navel, then she felt the quick fumble as he undid the button and then, below, the zip. He didn't look away from her, nor did he close his mouth. Hanging open, indeed. Her jeans were a snug fit, and she had to wiggle a fair bit to get them to drop into a pile at her feet. Taking off clothes in sex scenes is always a bit weird. It’s difficult not to get too clinical (and then the socks, and then the pants, and then …) but it would also be awkward to forget a key piece of clothing. With two kicks, she was free, and he pulled her close again, up and against him where he was wonderfully hard against her belly. He’s just wearing shorts with an elastic waistband, after all.

Her little "oh" was muffled into his mouth as they were kissing again, and she did what she had thought about doing in the kitchen and ran her hands around his bum. Go, Rose. She could feel the line of his pants and firm muscle underneath the slippery fabric of his shorts. He worked for a moment with her bra closure before it unclasped. She leaned back and let him slide one strap, then the other, from her shoulders, and then the bra fell onto the floor with her jeans. For her self-consciousness at being newly topless before him, the look on his face was sufficiently gratifying. There’s always a little self-consciousness about being naked in front of someone, and it’s good to see an overwhelmingly positive response. She reached out to take his hand and stepped back until she felt the bed against her legs, then drew him toward her.

In her fantasy, he would have gently eased her onto the bed and knelt over her, but instead, he tripped over her discarded jeans and tumbled forward, knocking both of them into a pile onto the bed. This happens to me. I fall over things. I get stuff hung in my hair. It’s messy, and occasionally awkward, but it’s fun, isn’t it?

"Oi!" she said, laughing despite his bony elbow into her abdomen.

"Sorry, sorry," he groaned. He untangled himself from her and propped himself up on his elbows, his face inches above hers. "Let me make it up to you?" His voice dipped low at the question. Indeed.

"What did you have in mind?" she asked, trying to match his tone.

He kissed her once, lightly. "Budge up and I'll show you."

She scooted up until she was entirely on the bed, and he came with her almost as if he were actually attached. When she stilled, he adjusted his position above her until he was pressed against her, the weight of his body held just off by his arms at her side. In bed, the height difference between them was unimportant (How convenient.) and they were mouth to mouth, bare chest to chest, hip to hip. Her legs parted to allow him still closer, and she could feel the cool fabric of his shorts against the inside of her thighs as well as the intimate pressure of his erection. She was sure she whimpered. Yep, happy with that, too.

More deep, searching kisses followed and Rose found that she couldn't remain still. He couldn't, either, and their mutual shifting and rocking had her scrabbling for the band of his shorts, trying to pull them down and not have him away from her. Those damned clothes.

"Take these off," she gasped, defeated.

He rolled off her and pulled both shorts and pants off, kicking them somewhere into the room, and she watched in anticipation as his erection bobbed free. Immediately, she went to touch him. His cock was sleek and warm, moist at the tip, and his whole body shook as she palmed him.

"Please. Not yet," he said through clenched teeth. "You can do anything you want, but maybe – ahh – maybe not all at once." Again, see Needful Things.

She released him and took advantage of his momentary struggle for self-control to reach across to open the nightstand drawer and fumble toward the back. Jackie’s appropriate gift. Her fingers found the small cardboard box just as the Doctor began to kiss her bare shoulder. She sat back up and struggled to pop it open with him moving down to her breast. When his mouth reached her nipple, she squeezed the box so hard that it crumpled up in her fist. Whoops.

The Doctor's hands came up to her shoulders and he pushed her back down onto the bed. She buried her face in his hair as he shifted to her other nipple, running circles around it with his tongue and then latching on. His fingers caressed her hip and slid underneath the band of her knickers. At this point, he doesn’t know about the condoms, and hasn’t mentioned anything about birth control. More on that later.

"These," he breathed against her breast. "Off?" When she lifted her hips to remove them, he raised away from her in a push-up and stared into her eyes. "That's better."

He bent, relaxing back onto her, and kissed her, and this time the fingers traced the inside of her thighs, slowly and surely. As he reached her folds, one leg slid between hers, and she opened for him. They were so close, with his erection pressed into her thigh and his fingers tracing circles against her. She reached over and searched for the box of condoms, which she'd dropped. I see Rose as a bit in a hurry here, because she’s been waiting so long, and it’s a Really Big Deal to consummate their relationship. Foreplay is good (although there’s been a fair bit of foreplay all evening) but I think there’s a bit of stress here as well. I debated this with my betas as well.

"Here, we need –" she began.

He cut her off with another kiss, fingers continuing to explore, circle, caress. "Let me touch you," he whispered. "We don't have to rush. We have all the time in the world, you and me." His words were calming but his body shook against her. "Nice and slow."

But what if we don't have all the time in the world? she thought. Now that they'd started, she couldn't shake the sudden anxiety that he would be taken away before they could finish. We struggled with this in the beta-reading stage. How to get into Rose’s fear and the reason for it without tl;dr in the middle of a sex scene? "Doctor, I'm afraid." His eyes went wide and she realised that those words could be interpreted in so many different ways. "I don't want to lose you again," she whispered. Don’t stop before you finish your sentence, so to speak.

His smile was fragile and wan. "Carpe diem," he said. "Starting today. Rose, I want everything with you. Right now, I want to go slow and enjoy this." In some early drafts, he seemed a little aloof here, so I added this last sentence, which I think works. Then, softly: "You're very tempting, you know. So very, very …" He trailed off and kissed her.

His persistent, gentle touches began to diminish her anxiety and she relaxed, letting the box fall from her hand. He responded with more lingering kisses and then the first pressure of a finger just inside her, withdrawing and skimming up to rub against her clit, then back inside with a second finger. She arched and sighed, not quite able to kiss him back consistently. Multitasking is hard.

His fingers entered her, withdrew, pressed back inside, rubbed steadily. His tongue mirrored the motions in her mouth and she sucked at it, feeling his hips moving against her. She was tensing, but with rising desire this time. He kept giving her what she needed, again and again and again until she groaned and grimaced with release. There’s a lot of pressure here. Performance anxiety isn’t just about guys, after all.

The Doctor was audibly panting now, all of his calm shattered in the wake of her orgasm. Aloof? No. Patient? Had been. "Are we still going slow?" she whispered, taking him in hand. His whole body shivered and he allowed himself a couple of quick thrusts into her hand before he pulled away and went searching for the discarded box. Let’s talk condoms now. In one draft, we got into the “can I get you pregnant” question and it was entirely too much for right here. I’ll come back to the question of the Doctor’s biological viability at some point in this series, but let’s just say that he is in fact not being ignorant and forgetting about the need for birth control here. But, what Rose wants, Rose gets. He worked at the flap until she took it away from him. She opened it and tore open one of the wrappers. Condom wrappers should be easier to open. Just sayin’. Having reached her own climax, she was a little more clear-headed to consider his. "Slow?" she asked again, rolling the condom into place and giving him long, sloppy kisses.

"I can't," he gasped as she guided him with her hand. It didn't take him any urging to press forward into her. Quite past that point. She opened around him and lifted her legs so she could fit her feet onto the backs of his calves. His forearms went underneath her shoulders, bracing her, and he didn't stop moving. He slid back out and then in again, wonderfully full inside her and so close, with his arms around her and her legs around him, and their chests pressed together, mouths fumbling a bit. She cupped his bum and felt the muscles work as he moved.

The sight of the Doctor above her, giving in at last to pleasure and instinct, took her breath away. Yep. His fingers tightened against her shoulders and she drew her legs up further, crossing them around his waist and letting him have full control over their movements. He didn't speak, but he was a wonderfully heavy breather. Sexy. As his pace increased, she felt her own lust rising all around him. He tensed and gasped her name as he climaxed, giving a couple of last sharp thrusts inside her.

She rocked her own hips with him and groaned, caught still wanting more. Orgasms do not need to be simultaneous to be fun for everyone. He withdrew from her and slipped his hand back between her legs. "Oh, you're so close," he said, his breath hot against her cheek. "So beautiful." She gasped and clutched at his back as he stroked her into another orgasm.

Afterward, they tangled together on top of the rumpled but still made bed, unable to stop touching one another with fingertips and lips. Again, that urge to touch, more than sex. He shifted off her, removed the condom, and rolled onto his side. She followed him and they fit together like two puzzle pieces, with her head into the curve of his shoulder and her knee drawn up over his legs.

"I missed you," she whispered into the scant space between them. Then, remembering their conversation earlier, she propped herself up on one elbow and looked down into his face. She smiled. "I love you." Yay. Happy.

He reached up and touched her face, smiling back at her. "No tears. I like that."

She suspected that her own smile had grown silly, but at least it would match the one he was wearing. "Is it okay if I never let you out of my sight again?" she asked, burrowing back down into his embrace.

"I think you'll find that terribly impractical." He was holding her tightly enough to discount the glibness of that statement. They’re being silly, but there’s an element of truth there, on both counts.

"You're worried about being practical? Since when?" She felt him suck in a breath and felt a sudden sinking in the pit of her stomach. They were both going to stumble all over statements like since when, and the question of him versus you, and she wanted to reassure him. I cut that out, and then it was pointed out to me that I’d cut out the reason for the title. "Shush," she said, putting her finger over his lips. "I know it's you." She kissed him, letting her lips linger on his, feeling him relax against her.

"I'm cold," he said. "That's new too." Although, is it? Ten wears enough layers to make me think otherwise. She rolled over so that she could pull down the edge of the blanket and wiggle underneath. He followed her lead and they snuggled up together. "Ah, that's better." He yawned hugely. "Sorry."

"Aren't men supposed to fall asleep after sex?" she teased. Stereotypes can be fun.

"The chemical cocktail released during orgasm is almost the perfect sleeping pill. As a matter of fact – that's a brilliant idea. I should –" He yawned again. Another idea for Pete’s new idea man and how much longer in drug testing?

She wasn't as drowsy as he was, but she was tired and his bare skin against her under the warmth of the blanket was wonderful. She ran her hands up and down his back and listened to his breathing become softer and more regular as he fell asleep, and then after. If he dreamed, they were gentle dreams. Aww. This makes me happy even now.

Tomorrow and the days to follow would be such a change from today. They could leave the Tyler household and venture forth into the new world, to Rose's flat and her work. There would be the question of his identity, and how they would make their way together, but that would be sorted somehow. There were plenty of resources at her disposal. Lots more to come on that count, especially with the story I’m slowly, slowly, slowly working on.

She extended a thought for her loved ones on the other side of the Void, foremost of whom was the Doctor she had searched for so long. I love you, too, she said to him in her mind. She hoped that he would be well, and that he knew she understood what he had done, and why. Probably not. I don’t see a lot of comfort for Ten in the choice he made for Rose. He thought it was best and right, but I don’t see it giving him the warm fuzzies about it.

In the end, she slept beside her Doctor, and her dreams were peaceful for the first time in years. I love them both so, and I wanted this to be a happy, forward-looking ending.

Date: 2010-09-15 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goldy-dollar.livejournal.com
Aww, this was fun to re-read and even better with the commentary. I was just telling someone last night that I'm always curious to read fic commentaries from people who write smut well as it is a talent I do not have. XD

I don’t see a lot of comfort for Ten in the choice he made for Rose. He thought it was best and right, but I don’t see it giving him the warm fuzzies about it.

This made me make a sort of laugh and make a sad noise all at once. Aww D:.

Date: 2010-09-15 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
This made me make a sort of laugh and make a sad noise all at once.

I think it's true though! Ten did it because he thought it was The Best Thing for Everyone* and not because it gave him joy or comfort.

* Everyone except him

Date: 2010-09-15 03:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] papilio-luna.livejournal.com
Thank you, occasional shirtless David Tennant.
Indeed.

It’s difficult not to get too clinical (and then the socks, and then the pants, and then …) but it would also be awkward to forget a key piece of clothing.
This made me lol but it is true. That's always my big fear with writing sex scenes just in general, that risk of just giving a play-by-play.

He didn't speak, but he was a wonderfully heavy breather. Sexy.
Mmmmph. Yeah, I don't know why, but that is really, really sexy.

Lots more to come on that count, especially with the story I’m slowly, slowly, slowly working on.
Hooray!

I love them both so, and I wanted this to be a happy, forward-looking ending.
Awwww. It is. It's got just the right level of angst for there to be a conflict, but not enough that it ever flirts with there not being a happy ending.

Date: 2010-09-17 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
Mmmmph. Yeah, I don't know why, but that is really, really sexy.

I have never been a fan of extensive dirty talk ... but the auditory experience, let's say, is very important. I'll cite the entire sex scene from Love in the 21st Century as exhibit A.

Date: 2010-09-23 12:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
I'm so glad. Thanks :)

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