kalleah: (dw what?)
[personal profile] kalleah
In contemplating my unfinished stories, I came across this fragment which I believe is as finished as I'm ever going to get it.  This came about in that very speculative time between Planet of the Dead and The Waters of Mars, when one of the popular theories was that RTD was going to wipe the Doctor quite clean and start us out in the Moffat era with a true reboot, not just a regeneration.  Clearly, that didn't happen, but I did play around with what it might be like to have the Tenth Doctor dealing with the thought that saving the universe (in whatever form the danger manifested) meant losing his memories and self.  I'm giving you this much preface because there isn't much of that explanation in the very short story itself, and I wanted to share a bit of a lost fragment.

Enjoy (I hope).

...

All of it flashed before his eyes in an instant, and he wanted nothing more than to have that be gone. He remembered the Pharmacists in the underbelly of New New York waving their Forget patches around like precious gold, and how angry he had been at them, because he had truly been tempted. He could have taken the offering and let all of the pain and anger and fear and love and loss fall away into the unknown past. He could have walked away a new man, more than the literal transformation of his body from one form to another: a cleansed mind and a new start.

He couldn't, because it was simply too easy of a choice.

He'd hated what he'd seen in Donna's eyes before he'd taken her memories. She'd fought all the way and would have taken the harder choice, to keep hers, to die because of them.

Now, with this chance, he could undo the greatest evil he'd ever done, and he would lose a great part of himself in the turn. He considered Donna. What would she have done if faced with this? What if her choice had not been her own life or death but everyone else's?

He knew the answer.

He would lose them all again, and never remember the loss. Donna and her brave heart. Martha and her wide-eyed wonder, her transformation into a battle-hardened warrior. Jack, and his impossible life. Rose, and her love for him that had crossed universes.

Rose.

His eyes widened. "Oh, yes!" he cried with genuine relish. He began to flip switches and twirl dials on the console, all of his former hesitation vanished. He wasn't the only Doctor. Even if he forgot, the other one would remember, until he faded and died in the other world.

...

In another world, another Doctor woke from a sound sleep. "Oh, yes," he whispered quietly. He shifted and drew Rose, still sleeping, close to him. "I remember."
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-09-06 02:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
I'm glad to have been wrong in my fears about a reset.

Date: 2010-09-05 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] papilio-luna.livejournal.com
He remembered the Pharmacists in the underbelly of New New York waving their Forget patches around like precious gold, and how angry he had been at them, because he had truly been tempted.

*trembly-lip* Oh, Ten.


God, I was so irrationally afraid that they'd do a reset button.
Edited Date: 2010-09-05 09:28 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-06 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
I was surprised at the time that they didn't get more into the fact that the Pharmacists were waving around exactly what he wanted.

Date: 2010-09-05 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxyhlc.livejournal.com
This is beautiful and fires up so many avenues and possibilities. Such vivid imagery in the last sentence.

This is the most perfect bit
He'd hated what he'd seen in Donna's eyes before he'd taken her memories. She'd fought all the way and would have taken the harder choice, to keep hers, to die because of them. since we only ever got to see the Doctors distress in his face and it wasn't verbalised this really adds to the story.

Date: 2010-09-06 02:55 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-06 01:20 am (UTC)
nonelvis: (DT randall hopkirk)
From: [personal profile] nonelvis
Very interesting. I realize you posted this because you aren't planning on adding any more to it, and that's a bit of a shame -- I'd have liked to have seen where you took the concept of the Doctor grappling with something he knew would erase him.

Date: 2010-09-06 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
I have sat on this one long enough that I didn't think I'd ever do anything further with it, and also, I'm terribly grateful we didn't go down that path in the end.

Date: 2010-09-07 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] np-complete.livejournal.com
I can see that the existence of the other Doctor would be a great comfort to him in his final moments. In fact, i suspect that was true even the way it turned out.

I'm glad he kept his memories. I would have felt so cheated had it all been erased, unmade.

Date: 2010-09-07 01:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalleah.livejournal.com
In his encounter with Rose, I'm sure that he was thinking of her with his duplicate. Bittersweet, but at least he could imagine her with a happy future.

I'm glad we didn't go that route, either.

Date: 2010-09-12 03:06 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-09-12 04:38 am (UTC)

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